we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
