There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
