You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
