I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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