feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
