Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
