I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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