In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
