My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
