just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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