He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
