marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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