Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
