Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
