dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
