You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
