No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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