How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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