Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
