and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
