First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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