Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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