what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you win again, gameday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
