the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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