She is in my trunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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