Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
