i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
