so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
