I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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