U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
