I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
