Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
