i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
