just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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