3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
