What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
