did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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