He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
