either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
