he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
