i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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