I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
