we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
