just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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