He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
