Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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