This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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