4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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