On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
