My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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