I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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