I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
