just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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