I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You made out with two different species that night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
