SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
