he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
