I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
