I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
